The Gap - The Reason Parents May Be Talking About LGBTQ Way More Than Ever

We all know that parenting does not come with a handbook.  Growing up, I was exposed to about 6 network television channels, the remote control was introduced at some point, and I loved to watch The Brady Bunch, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, and Knots Landing (that was my most PG-13 rated show).  I don't believe my parents had to tackle really explaining other family lifestyle choices to me...we simply don't have any family members living in situations that vary from heterosexual ones.  If you are a parent who was raised in the 60's, 70's. and 80's, think back to your exposure to lifestyles that are not heterosexual families.  I bet for the majority it was limited, and not much discussed at family dinners.

Flash forward to today.  Imagine being a child, or a teenager who has access to 500 television channels - a few of which are dedicated to LGBTQ lifestyles.  Magazines with covers that are devoted to trending topics, along with #CaitlynJenner (just to name one hashtag) surfacing everywhere lately.  Look at this site below that offers a pop culture timeline, and this is just lists homosexuals in the media.  You'll notice a major increase in the 2000's.  Kids are very much exposed to differing lifestyles, and many readily accept them.

InfoPlease Timeline

Whatever your feelings are on lifestyles, I'll say this again, your children are very much exposed to them, and the world is encouraging an openness and acceptance.  This may be a different opinion from yours.  Your child may be open and accepting.  Is it okay for you to differ in your opinions?  It is.  Think back to a time when you were young.  Did you agree with your parents on everything?  Really think about it.  Evolution, education, and maturity allow humans to move on with differences and love.  Educate yourself on the lifestyles. Know that they are rooted in love, and not 'choice'.  Watch Caitlyn Jenner's story with an open mind to try to understand what goes through a person's mind and body during his or her lifetime.  Do you have to agree with it?  Nope.  But it may help you understand why your child is using empathetic skills in today's world.  It may also help prepare you if your child approaches you and has to tell you about the lifestyle he or she is living.

I've included below an interesting round-table about today's youth and the generation gap.  I think you'll enjoy it.

Keep it simple...and be ready to listen and talk to your children. ♥D

The Four (& Five) Letter Words I Now Have A Love (& Hate) Relationship With

WORK.  SERVE. TIME. MONEY. MORE.  HELP. FREE.  NEED. WANT. HARD. WORK (yes, I listed this one again). EASY. PLEASE. GIVE. GOV'T (I abbreviated that one). My list could go on.  I'm sitting here on this Memorial Day holiday weekend remembering a very dear friend who lost his life in Fallujah almost 9 years ago, serving in the Marine reserves. He made the ultimate sacrifice serving his country, as many, many have so that we can live here, in the U.S. in a free democratic state.  God Bless him, and all of those who have served and are serving.

Let me ramble...

I'll get wrapped up in situation with 'whomever'...complaining that WORK is too HARD. I wish it was EASY! Or maybe someone is in NEED of HELP with whatever situation he/she is dealing with.  There is never enough MONEY to get what they NEED. Or maybe, just maybe if they had a little MORE of it, they would be all set. Why can it just be FREE? In addition, there is never quite enough TIME to SERVE those who, again, NEED it. PLEASE, somebody, step in and help out! I even catch myself making these statements...if only, if only...

And then, this weekend rolls around, and thank goodness for it, to remind and help me reflect on the TIME, WORK, & HELP given to me by so many before me. It wasn't EASY or FREE.  Thank you for serving.  Thanks to the families of our soldiers for the sacrifice you endure.  I am a lucky American.  I am a grateful American.

I love those words listed above.  I think I kind of hate them too.  We take them for granted, and use them too easily.  Teach children to WORK and SERVE.  Teach them the difference between WANT and NEED.  Show them the true value of MONEY by having them earn their own, even if you have plenty.  Finally, make sure they understand what it means to be FREE.

Happy Memorial Day!

Below is a short video tribute to my friend...

Keep it simple...and be forever grateful for freedom. ♥D

Never Put Anything In Writing...

Happy Mother's Day!  As I sip my coffee on this Sunday morning, I read many social media posts from others paying homage to mom.  I was thinking back to a somewhat vivid memories I have from back in 7th or 8th grade.  We didn't have text messaging or any other form of electronic communication...we had that reliable system of 'note passing'.  It was a pretty reliable source of information.  And, the one that repeatedly got me in the most trouble.

Mom's really almost know everything they need to about their children.  They listen to conversations (some of the best come when you're driving them around-especially with friends), pay attention to your whereabouts, and they READ.  For me in junior high, it was amazingly cool to wear Jordache jeans with spectacular stitching on the pockets and those pockets provided a place for my notes from friends to live.  But they had to be washed.  How many of you have family members that actually clean out their pockets prior to giving you the wash?  Oh, the many times I sent my notes to the laundry room.  I was handing my mom a gift into my private, personal life as a 7th grader.  Many conversations came out of the wash.  Many smart pieces of advice came (it may have been with or without a consequence of grounding).  The one piece of advice I have carried with me since that day...

Never put anything in writing that you do not want someone else to read.

Oh boy, is this helpful today!  With copy/paste, Tweet/ReTweet, forward, and share...we're doomed if we put a regrettable statement in writing.  I received many pieces of great advice (and still do) from my mother but this was has stayed with me to pass on to my children today.  What wonderful gifts have you received from your mom?

Here's a sweet video that celebrates moms.  There are many forms of motherhood...you know how you fit into this role.  Thank you.  Happy Mother's Day!

Keep It Simple...and relax today!  ♥D

Red 'Oh No' Cup (Again!) - Reminders for Prom and Graduation Season

You can't stop the inevitable.   Especially at this time of year.   Prom season. Grad parties.  Pool parties.  Bonfires.  Your teenager will undoubtedly be invited to these and will be begging to go.  They have been waiting for summer freedom to arrive.

Red Solo Cup... this is your favorite time of year too!  As parents,  we are terrified of any photo with our children holding you close in hand.   But they may be put there.  Twittered.   Snapchatted.   Instagrammed.   You may think that ignorance is truly bliss.   But when it comes to your teen drinking,  knowledge is life saving.

Look at this Buzzfeed article and the images other countries have of American parties...

Buzzfeed - American Party Fun

So how can we realistically help our kids?   I truly believe we have to offer our kids FASES (FAce Saving Exit Strategies).  I will offer these often,  for every age and many situations.   We all want to get out of challenging situation with grace, especially teenagers.  Here are my thoughts:

1. Have them say, NO-I don't drink.  However, think back, how often did YOU do this?  Were you successful?
2. Have them offer a medical excuse, "I'm taking medicine for an illness right now and cannot have alcohol".   Nope, it is not ok to lie...but if they find they are not strong enough to just say no, allow this one.
3. Tell them to fill up the cup, but DO NOT DRINK from it.  Pour it out slowly.  Dump it in the sink. Pretend to drink, and then just don't!  Go to the bathroom and rid of the drink.  However, if a party is broken up with law enforcement, it is never a good idea to have the cup in hand anyway.
4. Have them exit the situation.  Call you.  Text you.  Make it ok for them to get a hold of you for a rescue and then blame you for the exit.  It's ok for you to be the bad guy, if they stay safe, and remain in good standing with their peer group.

FASES are critical for all ages, even adults.  Do you have any to share for this issue?  Please do.

Finally, if you've got a little song in your head...here you go (and this is Glee's version because this is what our kids are watching).  Keep it simple...everyday!  ♥D

K-Cups...I Blame You for Our Loss of Filters

We need them back.  Filters, that is.  Language filters.  There's an increase in what we, as adults, choose to say in front of our children.  We need to remember that they are children.  Their brains are developing, and they cannot process emotions and feelings at a mature rate.  They do not understand that we sometimes have to behave one way, even though we may have contradictory feelings at the time.  They do not understand the importance of time and its healing powers.  Children haven't lived long enough to understand any of this.  Today, I plead with readers...put your filter back on when having conversations with or around your children.  Stop yourself.  I'll give you some examples...

Regarding Teachers/Coaches/Volunteer Leaders - You will, if you have not yet, have an issue with one or more of your child's teachers/coaches.  While it used to be the norm to speak with your child, and then the teacher/school, prior to having an emotional reaction...I find that more and more parents have an that reaction in front of their children without speaking to the teacher first. It's often not in favor of the teacher. Please do not make disparaging comments/assumptions out loud in front of your child. If you have middle school aged children, you know about the challenging moments that come while raising them. It's natural for their age.  Can you imagine being a teacher, trying to educate your child, who has a lack of respect for him/her for more than just those moments?  Sometimes they carry this disrespect throughout the course.  This can be due to something that occurred in parent conversations, overheard by your children (and yes, I recognize it can also be due to the teacher, I know we do not always have the most respectful educators).  Filtered conversations regarding school and it's teachers can make a significant and positive impact on your child's school year. This also applies to coaches and volunteer leaders for groups your child may be affiliated with.

Regarding Family Life - Even more important, and possibly more challenging is preventing eruptions and emotional confrontations between parents in front of the children.  I've included a YouTube video below (it's short!) regarding the impact on children.  We are here to protect our children.  Allowing them in to the issues of marital breakdown is harmful.  No parent would throw their child into a burning building...do not throw them into the middle of broken marriage.  Save your discussions for private.  Get a babysitter.  Send them to grandmas.  Whatever it takes.  I have admired many parents who can do this.  It can be done with peace and grace.  The kids come out alright, and with two loving parents sharing time with them.

Regarding Language In General - If you don't want them to say it, don't say it in front of them.  I think that one is self explanatory.  Children learn what they live.

Filtering may come naturally, or it may be a complete challenge.  Take the challenge.  It will be worth it.  We will see an increase in overall respect.  You are modeling relationships. Again, it will be worth it.

Keep it simple...and filtered!  ♥D

Great News About the Common Core!

There is so much negative media about the Common Core, I thought it would be nice to shed some light on what I view as a real strength to these benchmarks, especially during reading month.  There's a shift in required reading across all grade levels to what is referred to as informational text.  What is it?  Informational or expository texts main purpose is to inform or instruct the reader in some way.  There is often specialized vocabulary, and many times diagrams or charts, photos or illustrations that aide in the delivery of the information.

Why is this a 'good thing'?  The reading materials associated with informational texts are providing real and true information.  There's a shift to reading based on interest.  We know that if our children (or students) are interested in a topic, then they will be engaged.  Give them a book on how a shark really lives (especially during Shark Week!), with photographs, as opposed to a story about a shark and there will probably be increased desire to read.  There's a book referenced in a link I'll share with you about children of the wild west.  If your child has an interest in that time period and growing up in the era, his/her drive to learn will be self-motivated, and this book is a great resource.

I believe we will see boys reading more.  The books available in classroom libraries will shift from stories to informational texts.  Stories are still very relevant, but there will be a better balance. What do you have at home?  I've attached a book list generated by Judy Freeman.  They are her picks of the top non-fiction books of the century.  These are just a sampling of what is available.

Some Great Non-Fiction Picks for Children

Remember, this is a change brought forth by the Common Core.  Next time you feel frustrated by it's math methods, take a moment and think about the wonderful shift it's trying to bring about with reading.  Then go get a book.

I've added one last video from author and historian Marc Aronson.  Take a moment to watch.

Keep It Simple...and have patience with the Common Core ♥ D

50 Shades - What's OK there, is not OK here...but that's OK!

I bet you think this post is all about that movie.  No, this is a post about raising children.  However, when you think about the term raising children...we really are raising/growing adults.  We need to make these precious, precious people functioning adults.  How can we best do that?  In my opinion, it's through the amazing art of discussion and communication.

I chose '50 shades' because what goes on behind the doors/windows of one's home does not have to be what happens in your home. No matter how much pressure your kids put on you!  There was much buzz lately about children in France being allowed to watch 50 Shades of Gray (see USA Today Article ).  While US families are criticized for allowing children to be exposed to violent films.  Let's take these examples and narrow them down to your children and the discussions you can have with them when they say to you that 'Sarah can do this' or 'Lucy has that", 'Sam can play that', etc...

This is a great time to open that window and have a discussion!  As I have mentioned previously in this blog, sheltering and protecting our kids from too much will not prepare them for difficulties and challenges of adulthood.  This does not mean that you should be permissive, but providing some explanations can help.  Talk about your reasons.  There's increased intrigue with the word no.  Assisting with an explanation can alleviate some of the allure and buy some time before they will ask again.  My youngest wants a Twitter account.  Many of her friends have one.  She cannot have one yet.  However, instead of 'pulling the shade down' with a NO, we can discuss why she cannot have it yet.  I can also tell her, that it's great that her friends have one, without placing any negative judgments on what is allowed at their homes.  It's a tricky thing to do, but you must do it.

Finally, you probably won't make them happy if your stance is not the same as theirs.  That's ok.  You are the parent.  Let them know that in time, they can have whatever privilege it is they are seeking.  I always say that's 'the bonus of growing into an adult'.  Whether you close the shade or raise it, do so with discussion.  It's so important to best prepare them for adulthood.

Keep It Simple...and talk to your kids!  ♥D