Kids Are Color Blind

It's already February, the month we celebrate hearts, love, and black history.  Extra efforts and emphasis are often put in by schools to recognize notable African Americans and their accomplishments during the month.  As mom and primary educator, we have to recognize teachable moments, and hope that we handle them in a way that will make the world better.  That's a big job.

I always think back to a February when my (now adult) daughter was 5, and I was watching 'Boston Public'.  She came into the room and saw Chi McBride on the television and something about him reminded her of her father. Her dad was a bald, white man, with strong American Indian traits in him.  He loved the sun, and was often very tan, or brown skinned.  My daughter saw Chi, and said "I'm so thankful we had Martin Luther King, because now daddy can live with us".  In that very teachable moment, I had a choice...tell her that 'daddy isn't black so this doesn't apply to our family'.  Or say, 'yes, we should be thankful for him because all colors of skin can live together and be a family'.  I chose the latter.  She needed to know this lesson, first and foremost.  At a later time I would explain more about her American Indian and Italian heritage.

In moments like these, what do you do?  Kids are color blind.  They are accepting of all.  Your experiences are not those of your kids.  That's important to remember.  Your pre-conceived notions about cultural/racial groups are not those of children.  Imagine a world where we did not make a judgment against anyone based upon skin color, ethnic group, or orientation.  My goal for my children is to meet someone, get to know them, then decide if their inner character is one that they have room for in their life.  Do the value systems align?  If not, then find room for a person with shared values.  It's February...celebrate love for all.

I've included a video today.  It has some strong comments on the YouTube site, but I liked the thoughts.  Watch it...and form your own opinion.

Keep It Simple...and share love!  ♥D

Smashcake!

I get the privilege of attending one of my very favorite little girl's 1st birthday party today.  I was looking forward to see her eat and attack her birthday cake, when not too long ago pictures of her floated across my social media and she was doing it...with the caption of 'smashcake'.  I saw her dad a few weeks ago and he explained she had already had this experience for her 1st birthday photos.  The word 'smashcake' was recurring in our conversation.  Then, last week, I was at school and another mom mentioned how she was at a little ones party and talked about how the little one did with his 'smashcake'.  What?  What' happened...it's not just cake anymore?

I have 3 close family members who are having babies this spring.  My youngest is 12 so it has been a while since I was caring for a baby.  Watching them go through the challenges and joys of pregnancy and caring for infants, makes me grateful I was younger when I had my 3.  ;)  However, it also had me take pause and reflect on the advice I received, and the notions that I believed to be right (whether they were or not), and how those around me reacted to it.

I remember a conversation that I had almost 20 years ago with a family member.  I chose not to breastfeed my children.  I simply did not want to.  I didn't have any other reason for my choice.  This family member was so upset with me, and told me how much damage I was doing to my child.  I often wonder if she's aware that he's ok, and doing well in college now.  He survived formula. My point is, every new mom, experienced mom, and super mom is entitled to her own belief, value system, and choices.  We have to be a system of support for one another that is anchored in respect.  It's often kind of interesting to learn from one another.  Pregnant women are now cautioned from so many things, that I'm sure I wasn't clued into just 12 years ago.  Talking with them and asking questions, rather than passing judgment can be a wonderful conversation.

And yes, I'm sure you did 'that', and survived.  But try not to make any new mom feel bad for not doing what you did.  She's got enough on her plate...I'm sure that is something all moms have in common.  ;)

I've attached a funny video from Jimmy Fallon...enjoy!

Keep It Simple...and enjoy your cake! ♥D

It's a New Year...Allow for Do-Overs and Letting Go

Happy New Year!  If you are following my book updates...there's a new one on that page today!

I can't believe we are beginning 2015!  I was thinking about how we often get caught up in hurt and worry over life's issues that are out of our control, or are simple mistakes.  When my children complain about other people in their life that have caused conflict, I tell them that those are the people in most need of our prayers, or positive thoughts.  So often we cannot understand the motivation of others, or even ourselves, when we act in an unkind way.  Have you considered that awesome concept by children of a 'do-over'?  This then needs to be followed with 'letting go'.  We can do it, nothing is stopping us (except for pride, or any other human emotion that applies).  Here's an example:

I had a stress-filled day not too long ago.  It was full of that Christmas time stress...shopping, parking in a full lot, couldn't find the gift I was searching for, etc...  Later that day, I found myself delivering that stress to my children as we prepped for dinner.  The kids were unsure, and began to 'walk on eggshells' around me as we got the house cleaned and dinner ready.  After a pause, I realized that my stress is not their problem.  I told the girls that I simply needed a 'do-over'.  I explained that my day was difficult, and it was not their fault.

This then, needs to be accepted, and letting go has to start immediately.  Sometimes the idea of letting go of anger or irritability takes longer.  As adults, we can model it for the kids, so that they learn from it.  It's ok to have difficult exchanges with loved ones, but it is critically important to share with them a fresh start...immediately.  If you hold grudges and carry lingering anger, your children will learn to do this as well.

Do-Over and Letting Go can be useful in many, if not all situations.  From little problems, to those quite large...ask for a do-over, and then let it go.

It's a new year, start fresh.  Enjoy something everyday.  Model kindness for your family.  Enjoy this video of 2 sweet girls...letting go.

Keep It Simple...and do anything you need to, over.  ♥D

A Few of My Favorite Things...

Christmas is just around the corner.  It's a time that is supposed to be cherished and celebrated with family and friends.  All too often I find myself in a parking lot, racing with my turn signal on making sure everyone knows that I'm about to park right there...and they can't have that space.  I'll see people in line berating a cashier, who has probably just worked a 10 hour shift, for something that is beyond his/her control.  And then, I see lines...lines, lines, lines.  We are waiting to purchase, to see Santa, or to visit some spectacular holiday event.  All of these are truly a test of our patience.

So, what are some of my joys during this mad rush?  I'd like to share them with you, and hope that you can take a moment to reflect on and add a simple activity to your family that slows it all down, and keeps peace, and joy in the season.

1.  The Handprint Tree Skirt - A favorite for my kids.  Each year we used our plain tree skirt, and painted the kids hands, and slapped them on the skirt (in one of the panels).  At the bottom we put the year.  You need to use an appropriate paint for fabric.  I also assigned each of my 3 kids their own color so they would know which prints were theirs.  We have filled two skirts over the years, and they look great...it's a wonderful tradition!

2.  Cookie Making - I'm sure many of you do this.  Keep doing it with the kids and let them help and make a mess.  But also, make sure they help you with the clean-up.  This should be a start to finish project that the whole family can enjoy.  Set reasonable limits - too many cookies, and you'll lose your cooks!

3.  The Holiday Photo With Santa - it does not have to be perfect!  The one above is my favorite!  I love that Santa is smiling through while my little one is screaming for me.  It captures that year for her.  Don't stress about the photo, it'll be perfect simply because your children are in it.

These are 3 holiday moments that I cherish.  What are yours?  Merry Christmas!

Keep it simple...and full of peace and joy! ♥D

Don't Give Up...and Happy Thanksgiving!

It's the season of giving.  It's a time to be thankful.  For some reason, this year I have taken a step back and evaluated those thoughts.  Why do we put so much pressure on being thankful and giving during this commercialized, 8-week season of the year?  This should be a focus all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays, and the way we get to transform our homes into a decorated place of celebration and family gathering.  I simply struggle with focusing on being 'thankful and giving' in November and December.  These are virtues that should be stressed and encouraged year round.

It's very possible that my age has something to do with my personal feelings, or even the recent events experienced by my family.  However, families and friends should be giving thanks to one another as often as possible.  Humans should be giving of one another in a thoughtful way, as best they can...without any judgment or expectation of assistance in return.  I recently had a conversation with someone who said she 'used to help others, but they don't help her anymore', so she stopped.  The giving spirit requires you to dig deep, and expect nothing in return.  That is hard. It also requires you to withhold judgment from those who simply cannot give in ways that you may choose to.

I also think that it's ok to give to yourself.  If you don't, you just might break.  Give yourself time.  Give yourself peace.  Remove yourself from the demands and chaos in your life that are not healthy... and heal.  If you do that, you are giving the gift of a healthy 'you' to your family.

Don't wait for November.  Get crazy and give in March too!  Be thankful in June!  Spread it out.  It will make for an amazing year!

Happy Thanksgiving to all...I am thankful to those of you who are reading.  I am grateful to my family and friends and feel so blessed today, and all other days of the year (even the difficult days).

Enjoy the turkey showdown video below...it's just for fun!

Keep It Simple...and give thanks!  ♥D

Our New Family Member - Screen

Note - For those of you following my book progress, there's an update on that page!  Check it out :)

As the school year rolls on, I assume parents are experiencing the joys and frustrations of schoolwork, extra-curriculars, and simply spending some time together at home.  In addition, we now have the added family member who I lovingly call 'Screen'.  He didn't come home from the hospital, but nonetheless, he did take a good amount from your wallet.  Screen is usually present in all rooms of the house.  He can sit on a desk, on your lap, and may even be an appendage on your body (usually connected to the hand).  Sometimes, Screen talks back to you.  Has that happened?  You think you are home with just your family (maybe you are even wearing your pajamas) and Screen has a person on it who suddenly says, "Hi Ms. Jayson, how are you"?  That is Skyping Screen.  I don't always love it when he is present.  But my children do.

Screen can take over.  Do you spend more time with Screen than with your kids?  Track it.  Record the amount of time you are actually focused on your children WITHOUT Screen present.  Screen has a very tricky way of invading all of our spaces.  Technology is important and critical for our ever changing society. We also need to ensure that our children are ready for future, but we  need to prepare them to be good, virtuous human beings.  That does not come from a screen.  This comes from direct, uninterrupted interaction with others.

Time spent with children, modeling for them kindness, generosity, patience and empathy for others is an invaluable lesson.  We live in a society that often demonstrates a disregard for the human spirit and humanity.  Wouldn't it be amazing if the news was filled with stories of acts of kindness brought forth by our children?  Play with your children, model for them what to do when things do not go their way.  Show them how to solve a problem with words (as opposed to some ways they will learn from Screen).  Show them how to disregard Screen and make them feel more important than Screen (demonstrates focus, non-distraction).

Finally, I know Screen has moved in permanently.  I love Screen, too.  But let's simply find a balance.  An hour with Screen, an hour outdoors-playing.  Another hour with Screen, and hour eating dinner together-NO Screen (he can eat later).  You can do it, so can the kids.  Enjoy the video below...I love the little baby who treats the magazine like an iPad.  ;)

Keep it simple...and balanced.  ♥D

Social NEED-ia

I wake up to my alarm and turn it off.  For the past several years now, my routine is to grab my phone first thing and check in.  I have to check my 2 email accounts, text messages, Facebook, Instgram, and Twitter feeds.  Then, I have to double check those feeds for my 3 children (responsible/stalker parenting).  Like most humans in the morning, I have to use the facilities, but this phone situation, delays that by about 10-15 minutes now.  Oh, the days of long ago when I just hit the alarm and got out of bed.  I have a hunch that 75% of you can relate to this.

Why is this a topic today?  Because this is a very relevant form of communication for many, many people.  Adult and children are using social media as a way of communicating thoughts and feelings.  Are you paying attention?  I was so relieved this week when a comment was made to me about one of my children from a friend.  He knew about my daughter because, as a responsible parent, he checks his child's media accounts and our children are friends.  We talked about the time it takes to sit and keep up with not only our own social media, but our children's too.  However, the invested time is worth it.

Children feel validated with the number of 'likes' they get.  Children feel validated with the number of 'friends' they get.  This is when I feel it switches from media to need-ia.  There's a competition to see who likes a post, a photo, a comment.  Sense of worth rises through this.  But, it shouldn't.  Those accounts, and 'friends' need to be cleaned out.  This is when parenting, and verbal discussions about loving yourself, and feeling validation through good works come in.

Have that real talk about friends...how many do you, as an adult, have in real life that matter most?  Have a talk about internet behaviors.  I found a great video to share with you today, and hope you share it with your children.  It's light-hearted, and covers some aspects of internet behaviors.  Enjoy it...and enjoy the media, just don't need it.

Keep it simple...and lightly social.  ♥D